


Heal

by danmatian



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Making Out, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Rimming, Showers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 21:36:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15805041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danmatian/pseuds/danmatian
Summary: When Dan wakes up in a bad mental place, Phil is there to comfort him. Sometimes, all it takes is some reassurance and some good sex.





	Heal

Dan was awoken from his uneasy sleep by frantic shouting of his name. It echoed in his ears, causing him to jump. Sweat trickled down his forehead, his curly fringe was drenched, and his shirt was stuck to his back. His breathing was uneven and desperate. He felt as though he was drowning and finally pulled back to the surface. He squeezed his eyes shut, unsure how to feel or react. There was a gentle touch followed by a soft whisper of his name. It was almost grounding. He was still in a panic; the touch and whisper were repeated, and he flinched away from it. There was a sigh, then silence.

Dan ran his hand through his sweaty fringe. He twisted his fingers in the tangled curls, wanting to tear the hair out of his skull. The gentle hand returned—Dan didn’t recoil this time—and soft fingers pulled his hand out of his hair and rested it on the duvet. It felt too thick, too hot, under his fingers. He threw it off his body. Dan’s hands shook, and he needed to find something to do with them. He gripped the hem of his shirt, playing with the frayed ends. His fingertips lost blood flow as he tightened random strands of thread around them. A nightstand drawer opened and the sound of his lover’s hand rummaging through the items was too loud in the silent room. The familiar, gentle touch returned, this time pulling Dan’s fingers free from their confines. A pair of scissors was brought into view, and he flinched—memories of crimson red flooded through his brain, like waves crashing on the shore. Slowly, the thread was cut away, and the scissors were placed back in their home with the clutter.

Dan sat up, his shirt still stuck to his back. He scrambled to pull it off and used it to wipe the sweat off his forehead. Cold hands found their way to his back, like shards of ice cutting through his skin, and began rubbing his back in small, circular patterns. Fingers caressed his sides; it tickled and a small giggle escaped him, his throat hoarse and dry. The comforting hands left his back, and the bed creaked as the other went to leave. Dan turned to him, pleading with his eyes for him to stay, before realizing his eyes couldn’t speak for him. “Phil. Stay, please,” he croaked, begging to not be left alone.

“I was just going to the bathroom to get you some water, that’s all,” Phil said. He scooted back towards Dan and sat behind him, hugging his sweaty torso. “But I will stay for however long you need me to.”

“I probably stink…” Dan lost what he was going to say next, the words escaping before they ever made their way to his mind.

“I don’t mind. I’ve smelled worse.”

Dan sighed, leaning back into the man he considered to be is soulmate. He’d never admit it, but Phil was his soulmate. Perfect for him. Too perfect. “I don’t deserve you, you know.”

“No,” Phil brushed Dan’s curls back and wiped his now-Dan-sweat-covered hand on his shorts. “I don’t know that. It’s not true.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve told you a hundred times, and I’ll tell you a hundred more, or a thousand more, or a million more. You’re worth everything.”

“Even this? Waking you up, making you worry about me… Surely not this.” Dan sighed again and leaned forward, collapsing onto the bed.

“Everything. All of it,” Phil reassured, his voice soft and warm. “Wanna talk about what was going on in Danland?”

Dan sat up and shrugged. He looked back at Phil, eyeing him up and down. His messy black hair, which had fallen down back into its ex-emo fringe state overnight, stuck up at the back. His eye bags, crinkles, and stubble from the lazy days spent at home made him looked tired, exhausted even, yet somehow he still radiated beauty.

Phil reached out to Dan again, his soft hand wiping away tears he hadn’t realized had ever began falling. “Dan… What’s wrong?”

“I don’t really know anymore, honestly,” Dan admitted. It was the truth.

“I understand. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s okay. How about we get you in the shower and you come back to bed with me?”

Dan nodded, and Phil crawled out of bed, holding his hand out to Dan. He took it, and Phil led him to their bathroom. Dan sat on the toilet as Phil started a shower, testing the water with his hand to make sure it was the perfect temperature. He turned to Dan and smiled, holding his hand out again. Dan took it and stood, allowing Phil to remove his underwear for him. Phil then sat down, and Dan looked at him, confused. 

“Are you not joining me?” Dan asked sheepishly.

“Do you want me to? I will if you want me to.”

“I do,” Dan said, sitting on Phil’s lap. “I really want you to.”

“Well, you need to move so I can undress,” Phil said, laughing softly. Dan stood up so Phil could, and he undressed Phil gently, taking his time to admire him as he did so.

They stepped into the shower together, and Dan stood under the stream, letting the warm water wash away his night’s troubles. He closed his eyes, relaxing under the water. He heard Phil open a shampoo bottle and opened his eyes, watching as Phil worked the soap into his hair. Phil’s hands against his scalp felt nice, and he closed his eyes again, relishing in the head massage he was getting from Phil’s fingers as they combed through his mangled hair.

Phil rinsed Dan’s hair and followed the same routine with conditioner, leaving it to sit in his hair as he washed his body with body wash that smelled like strawberries. He rinsed Dan’s hair and body off, his gentle, yet strong and firm, hands caressing Dan’s body as the soap was washed away.

“Feeling better?” Phil asked, hugging Dan’s torso.

“Yes, thank you,” Dan said, though it was barely audible under the sound of the shower running. He kissed Phil softly, and Phil returned the kiss, pulling him closer. Their bodies fit together perfectly like puzzle pieces, and Dan didn’t care about anything else in the world other than this moment. Phil bit Dan’s lip teasingly and tugged on it, letting it slip slowly through his teeth. Dan moaned softly, returning the gesture by biting harder on Phil’s lip and letting it slip even slower through his teeth.

Phil moaned huskily, pressing his hips into Dan’s. Dan began grinding his hips into Phil’s, eliciting another husky moan from Phil. He slid his hand down Phil’s chest slowly, admiring the hairs there, and down his stomach. The soft skin felt like home to him. Phil felt like home to him.

Phil placed his hand on Dan’s chest, and Dan wondered if Phil could feel how fast his heart was beating. Like clockwork, Phil asked, “Nervous?”

Dan took a deep breath, grounding himself. He was always nervous—how could he not be? Phil always made him feel so open and vulnerable; he could feel himself unraveling in front of Phil as he touched him, but he felt safe, and he felt good. Phil always made him feel like he was floating, and the whole world below him was gone.

“You always make me feel nervous,” Dan muttered, laying his head on Phil’s shoulder. “But a good nervous.”

“Do you want to take this back to the bedroom?” Phil murmured into Dan’s ear. Dan shuddered and nodded, wanting desperately to push his worries deep down. He turned the shower off, stepped out, and grabbed a towel, patting himself dry. Phil followed after him, and Dan dried him off. They held hands again as Dan led them back into the bedroom. Dan crawled into bed and laid down, watching as Phil followed him and laid beside him. He was about to crawl on top of Dan until Dan placed his hands on Phil’s shoulders, shoving him onto his back. Phil raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything as Dan crawled over him, sitting on his stomach.

“I want you, all of you, right now,” Dan said, leaning down. He kissed Phil hard, and Phil took a second to adjust to what was happening before he began to kiss Dan back with the same energy. He took Phil’s lip again, just as he did in the slower, and bit harder. Phil moaned quietly, placing his hands on Dan’s back as Dan sucked on his lip. Phil pushed his hips up, and Dan slid down his body, sitting at his waist now, allowing Phil to grind his dick against his ass.

Dan kissed along Phil’s jaw to his neck and down to his right nipple. Phil took a deep breath as Dan began to lick over his nipple slowly. Dan looked up at him, their eyes meeting as Dan bit down on the nub. Phil groaned and ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, tugging on it as Dan worked his nipple.

“Dan…” Phil breathed, grinding his hips up harder into Dan.

Dan sat up, looking down at Phil. He smirked and placed his hands on Phil’s chest, holding himself steady as he moved his hips with Phil’s. Dan slid his body back up, sitting back on Phil’s stomach. He kept his gaze on Phil; he was sweating, his eyes wide and full of lust as he tried desperately to pull Dan back down to regain the friction at his waist. He whined, pouting at Dan. “Please…” he begged, moving his hand down to stroke himself desperately.

“No, sir,” Dan muttered, pulling Phil’s hand away. “We’re playing by my rules this morning.” He slid down Phil’s body to lie between his legs and looked up at Phil as he ran his fingertips over his thighs. “Let’s play a little game,” he said quietly, “I’ll suck your cock, but if you make a sound, I’ll stop. And if you can be quiet for five minutes, then I’ll let you fuck me into this mattress. If you fail, I fuck you.”

Phil’s eyes were wide as he stared down at Dan. He nodded and ran a hand through Dan’s damp curls. “Okay.”

Dan trailed his fingers up Phil’s thighs, wrapping his hands around Phil’s cock. He knew Phil loved the friction of his dry hands on him, and he had all intentions to tease Phil as hard as he could. Phil closed his eyes and tilted his head back as Dan continued to stroke him with dry hands. Slowly, he spit on the tip, taking the saliva with his thumb and swirling it around. He did it again, this time using it to stroke Phil faster. Phil pushed his hips up into Dan’s strokes. Dan could tell Phil was begging for more, and he loved how easily he could get Phil worked up.

With one hand still stroking Phil’s length, Dan took his mouth and planted kisses along his shaft. Phil’s eyes shot open, and he bit his lip, watching Dan with pleading eyes. Dan took the tip into his mouth, running his tongue through the slit and under the head. He removed his mouth, and Phil visibly sighed, his eyebrows scrunched together. He was so frustrated, and he couldn’t say a word.

Suddenly, Dan took half of Phil’s length into his mouth. He began bobbing his head and made sure to keep his eyes locked on Phil’s. His cock felt so good in his mouth. He removed his hand and instead used it to fondle his balls as he slowly took the rest of Phil’s massive length into his mouth. He gagged slightly as the tip hit the back of his throat, yet kept his position, knowing Phil loved watching Dan gag on his cock. He did it again, pressing the tip into his throat and gagging, before pulling up. He stroked Phil slowly—painfully slowly—watching his reaction. There was so much frustration in his eyes. Dan decided to play nice just for a moment and took Phil back into his mouth, bobbing his head as he used his hand to stroke him again. He twisted his wrist, just how Phil liked it, and Phil pushed his hips up, gripping at Dan’s hair. He pushed Dan’s head down, and Dan moaned, loving the way Phil controlled him. He let Phil push his head all the way back down and moaned again as he took all of him. He pulled up, gasping for air momentarily before returning and following the same routine again.

Dan kissed up Phil’s shaft, taking his time. Phil kept his hands in his hair, twisting the curls around his fingers. Dan moaned teasingly, making his way down to Phil’s balls. He fondled them again, kissing them and sucking on them. Phil loved this and Dan knew that. He could tell Phil was about to break—his expression was full of concentration—and Dan intended on breaking Phil soon. He stroked Phil with his other hand, twisting his wrist and running his thumb over the slit of his cock as he sucked on his balls. “You like that?” Dan asked seductively when he sat up. “You like watching me suck your big cock, don’t you, Phil? You love to gag me, fuck my mouth, pull on my hair…”

Dan started grinding his hips into the sheets as he planted tender kisses on Phil’s thighs. Phil stared at Dan and pulled on his hair, guiding his head back up. Dan grabbed Phil’s dick, slapping it against his lips before taking it back into his mouth. He bobbed his head quickly, digging his nails into Phil’s thigh. Phil let out a loud moan, followed by a heavy groan and a sigh.

“Fuck, I don’t even care that I lost. Your mouth feels too good to stay silent,” Phil gasped, breathing hard.

Dan smirked and sat up. “You know what that means.”

“Fine,” Phil said. “I was going to ask for all or nothing, but frankly, I’m too fucking horny to give a shit.”

Dan bit his lip, staring at Phil for a moment. “You’re going to love what comes next then.”

“What?” Phil asked. After all Dan did was wink at him, he realized. “ _Oooh_.”

“Hands and knees,” Dan instructed. Phil listened, moving onto his hands and knees and looking back at Dan. Dan grabbed his ass, massaging it in his hands. He leaned over and ran his tongue over his hole. Phil whimpered, moaning quietly, and Dan did it again.

“Please, Dan…”

“Please what?”

“Please eat my ass, shit, you’re a tease,” Phil groaned.

“I know,” Dan simply said, pressing his tongue into Phil. He moaned louder, leaning down to give Dan better access. Dan continued using his tongue to press into Phil then added a finger. He moved it slowly, running his tongue around in circles. Phil was falling apart under Dan, and he loved every second of it. He loved feeling in control.

Dan continued using his tongue and finger to stretch Phil. He soon added another finger, then another, until he was fucking Phil with his fingers. Phil gripped the pillows, tiny whimpers escaping him. Dan pulled his fingers out, causing Phil to whine again, and quickly replaced them with his tongue. He squeezed Phil’s hips and pulled him back onto his tongue.

“Dan, please, I can’t take much more,” Phil whined into the pillow. “Please fuck me, Dan, I need it.”

“Is that so?” Dan asked, reaching over to the nightstand to open the top drawer.

Dan knew Phil knew all too well what he was reaching for—a bottle of lube—and he looked back at Dan desperately as he grabbed for it. “Yes! Yes, Dan. Let me take that,” he said, grabbing the lube out of Dan’s hand. He opened the cap and squirted some into his hand, setting the bottle down on the bed. He sat up and turned around, crawling closer to Dan. Dan watched as Phil grabbed his dick with his lube-covered hand and began stroking him. He moaned, moving his hips with Phil’s strokes. It felt so good having Phil’s hand wrapped around his aching cock.

Phil kissed Dan’s neck and moaned into it as he stroked him. “You like that?”

“Yes… Shit,” Dan muttered, rutting his hips up harder. “God, it feels so good, Phil.”

“I bet so, having my hand on your hard cock makes you so needy, doesn’t it? I bet you’re dying to get this inside my ass. My ass that you prepared so well, babe. I’m so ready to have it inside me, fucking me hard. Will you fuck me hard, Daniel?”

Phil had Dan melting under him. His teasing neck kisses as he spoke made Dan shiver with pleasure. He moaned softly, nodding in agreement, as Phil continued to stroke him and plant kisses on his neck. He nibbled on Dan’s neck, biting and sucking randomly. Dan tilted his head back and Phil moved along his neck, continuing to bite, suck, and kiss at the tender skin.

“Are you going to fuck me now, Dan?” Phil whispered into his ear.

“Fuck, Phil. Yeah. Lay down,” Dan instructed. Phil laid down and stroked himself, keeping his gaze on Dan as he moved closer to Phil.

Dan grabbed the lube and lubed himself up again. He lined his dick up with Phil’s hole and slowly pushed it in, allowing Phil time to adjust to the sensation. Most of the time Dan was on the receiving end, so Phil needed a little more time than Dan did. “You ready?”

“Yes. So ready for you.”

Dan began moving his hips slowly, still cautious in case Phil wasn’t fully prepared. When there was no sign of discomfort from Phil, he moved his hips more, thrusting them in and out in a steady motion. Phil closed his eyes, moaning with each thrust, and Dan started to thrust harder. Phil gasped and groaned, reaching up to hold onto Dan’s forearm. Dan loved how Phil always wanted to touch him in some way.

“You like that, Phil?” Dan teased, placing his hands on either side of Phil.

“You know I do,” he sighed, looking up desperately at Dan.

Dan pulled out slowly, then thrust back into Phil hard. Phil moaned loudly, “Do it again,” he begged, so Dan did just that, and Phil moaned louder. He continued thrusting into Phil, and sweat trickled down his forehead and into his eyes, but he didn’t care.

“Let me…let me ride you,” Phil managed to say.

“Fuck, okay,” Dan said. He pulled out of Phil and laid down. Phil moved quickly to straddle Dan and guide his dick back into him, wiggling his hips as he did so. Dan groaned and pushed his hips up, becoming impatient.

“Someone wants his cock ridden,” Phil teased. He began moving his hips, holding onto Dan’s chest to keep his balance. Dan held his hips, guiding him. Phil moved faster, whimpering as he went down.

Dan began stroking Phil, and they locked eyes again. Phil’s eyes were so bright, so beautiful and full of lust. Dan was in awe and so in love. It was these moments of intimacy that made him feel reassured with himself—Phil didn’t care that he had put on a little weight, about his scars that would forever be on his body, or that he was insecure at times. Phil made Dan feel so needed and wanted in the times he needed it the most.

Dan spaced out for a moment and finally heard Phil begging for him to slow his strokes. “ _Dan_ , Dan, fuck,” Phil begged. “I’m close… I want you to come first,” Phil said timidly.

“Shit, sorry,” Dan apologized.

Phil slowed his movements. “You okay?”

“Yes. Please don’t stop. I was just thinking about how amazing you are to me,” Dan said breathlessly.

“You’re so amazing,” Phil said, picking up his rhythm again.

“I’m close,” Dan breathed, pushing his hips up with Phil’s movements again.

“Come for me, Daniel, please,” Phil begged, picking up speed. Dan moaned loud, his body jolting upward as he got lost in his orgasm. Phil rode him through it, and Dan felt so spent and tired, but he was determined to make Phil come, so he continued to stroke him, even though he was seeing stars. Phil grunted, come shooting all over Dan’s chest, and Dan squeezed every drop out of him.

Phil collapsed beside Dan on the bed, his breathing heavy. Dan couldn’t move. Phil looked at Dan and moved closer to him, kissing him sweetly. Dan barely managed to kiss back. Phil laid his head on Dan’s chest, and Dan kissed the top of his head.

“Your heart is beating really fast,” Phil murmured against Dan’s chest.

“I know.”

“Are you okay?” Phil asked, looking up at Dan with a concerned expression.

“Yes. More than okay. You have no idea how badly I needed this,” Dan admitted.

“I have a confession.”

“What?”

“It may have been an accident that I moaned earlier, but I’m glad I did.”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I could tell you really needed to dom this morning. It was just a feeling. I’m glad you could. Did it help?”

“Yes, it really did,” Dan said. He stroked Phil’s hair and kissed his head again. “You’re so incredible.”

Phil leaned his head up to kiss Dan again. “You are, Dan.”

“Now, I really enjoy laying here with you, but I’m in need of another shower. And food. Lots of it,” Dan said with a laugh.

“That I will agree to,” Phil said, smiling as he sat up.

“Rock, paper, scissors for who has to cook?”

Phil held out his hand. “You’re on, Howell!”

They played three rounds of rock, paper, scissors. Dan won the first, Phil won the second, and Dan won the third.

“All or nothing!” Phil shouted after his defeat.

“Come on, Lester, you can’t declare all or nothing every time you lose.”

“Come on!” Phil whined.

“Fine,” Dan said. They played again and Phil still lost.

“Shit,” Phil said after his second defeat. “I guess you win.”

“That I do, Lester. Now let’s get that shower and go eat your _lovely_ home cooked breakfast,” Dan teased.

“Oh, hush, you’re lucky I love you, you know.”

“I am. I really am.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is my first ever solo fic that I'm posting. I was extremely nervous about posting this, but after some motivation from friends, here it is!


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